Do you love with your heart or your mind?

Now to most, this may be cut and dry, but I was having a conversation this morning that lead me to wonder. Do people really love with their hearts or do they love with their mind? Is there a difference or is it bad to do one over the other.

Personally, there have been times when both have happened for some reason or another. In my opinion, it is better to love with the heart, but potentially more painful. Loving with your heart can get you wrapped up. It can make you express those things that the mind may say don’t need to be discussed. It can cause you to do things before the mind thinks you should or give more than most folks think you have, but is this really a problem?

Love is a risk, no matter how you slice it. In some instances it works out for the greater good and in other instances it hurts like hell, but without pain is there really any progress? It reminds me of the ying and the yang, you have to take the good with the bad and move forward, but sometime that bad helps to propel you to a better place.

Consider this, if all of our relationships were good and there was no heartache there wouldn’t be many relationships. There would be no life lessons learned and no “trial and error.” I guess for all intensive purposes there would be nothing for us to work on or change in the next relationship.

Are we supposed to love whole heartedly and learn what we need to from each person since people are in our life for a “reason, season, or lifetime” or are we supposed to use our mind and try to “figure love out” and explain it before we love (something I am still working on)!
For today, give loving with your heart a try and see how you like it, something tells me you may like it better…Just like me!

As always your opinion is valued and appreciated.

I thank you for taking the time to respond.

XOXOXOXO

<3 Shaun~

Love...to be in it or out is the question?

Question of the Day...

In your opinion, what's the difference between simply loving someone and being in love with someone?

Let me start with the definition of the word love. According to www.dictionary.com love is defined as:
1.
A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.
A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Now, the most important definition of love is “God’s Love” when examining my thoughts about love and what it is, I often think of the love that the bible speaks of when they talk about the love that God has for us. I went to www.bible.com to see if there was a specific biblical definition of love, and there wasn’t a topic, however, since this question was posed in the context of relationships I found an article entitled “Choosing a mate” http://www.bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=149 (you can click the link to read the entire article for yourself), but basically, as some have said before, love is about many things. Love is patient, love is kind, it is constant and everlasting. In my opinion, for those that are religious, if we are trying to walk in the light of the Lord then love is an easy subject to understand, you love others as God loves you and that is unconditional. Point blank, PERIOD!
Love is not something that leaves, or it isn’t supposed to. When you truly love someone that love shouldn’t change, no matter what happens. Love doesn’t die, it is forever. In my humble opinion, loving someone should simply be “what we do.” It is a part of life. I think that in too many cases, during our relationships, we forget that according to the word of God we are supposed to love everyone so there should be no question as to whether or not we love someone. Now, does that love come in different packages, of course it does! We don’t love our parents the same way that we love our husbands or wives and there is a level of sexual intimacy that isn’t there with other people in our lives, or at least there should be.

All in all I think that loving someone from the bf/gf (or whatever your preference be set toJ) standpoint gets clouded because we loose site of the main goal which is to love others as God loves us. Life would be much simpler if we put more time into accepting love instead of trying to figure it out, or trying to find ways to “fall out of it”

A while back I created a blog entitled Love *Oh Goodness* and I think that really sums up majority of my thoughts on love itself.

On the other hand, being in love with someone is on a whole other level. There is a difference for those that think there is not, check out the bible.com article above.

According to dictionary.com to be “in love” is

In love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.

26.
In love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.

In my opinion, which matters to me, to be in love is to love, PLUS! It is the act of loving on a whole other level, to be in love with someone is to experience the unknown. With each person you fall in love with, things are different. There is a level of commitment when you are in love with someone beyond anything you can imagine. A commitment that can make you take your bf/gf back when they have hurt you more than you ever could know, or have ever dreamed of. It is being willing to include someone else in your thoughts and dreams. It is missing that person when you are away and longing for them throughout your day. It is absolutely amazing to be honest, when you allow yourself to be in love.

I honestly think that many people are afraid of the term “in love” even though it is filled with so many good things. People are so afraid of what they may be missing that they don’t fully allow themselves to love their mate for fear that they may get hurt, or the person may not be in love with them in return, which is a risk associated with love period because some people don’t understand or agree with the fact that no matter what we should love the way that God loves us and if we do that, how can we go wrong!

Let me try and sum this up by simply saying there are risks associated with love in this earthly realm. Someone may not realize that they actually love you until it is too late. Stop being afraid of love and embrace it, spread it around (not sexually) to all you meet, you may be surprised at how much your life improves. I think the late great Luther Vandross summed up love and being in love when he wrote I’d rather…take a look at the lyrics and see for yourself.

Don’t forget to leave your two cent, as I just did!

"I'd Rather"

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart

The fundamentals of ANY relationship...

I don't know where this list came from, but it is nothing but the truth! What do you think?

THE FIVE BASIC NEEDS OF A MAN

A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five basic needs:

1. His need for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 5: 23, 33)

2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual r!elationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15-23, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)

3. His need for home support. She creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13, 19:13, 21:9, 19, 25:24, 31:10-31)

4. His need for her attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband ispleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)

5. His need for a life companion. She! develops mutual interests with herhusband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they canenjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1, 2, 6)

THE SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A WOMAN

Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her seven basic marital needs:

1. Her need for a spiritual leader. He is a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. He takes the initiative in cultivating aspiritual environment for the family. He becomes a capable and competent student of God's Word and lives out before all a life founded on the Word of God. He leads his wife in becoming a woman! of God, and he takes the lead in training the children in the things of the Lord. (Psalm 1, Ephesians 5:23-27)

2. Her need for personal affirmation/appreciation. He praises her for personal attributes and qualities. He extols her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He openly commends her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She feels that to him no one is more important in this world. (Proverbs 31:28-29, Song of Solomon 4:1-7, 6:4-9, 7:1-9)
3. Her need for personal affection (romance). He showers her with timely and generous displays of affection. He also tells her how much he cares for her with a steadfast flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. Remember: Affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed and a wonderful marriage develops. (Song of Solomon 6:10, 13, Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33)

4. Her need for intim!ate conversation. He talks with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). He listens to her thoughts (i.e., her heart) about the eventsof her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her convey a desire to understand her, not to change her. (Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 8:13-14, I Peter 3:7)

5. Her need for honesty and openness. He looks into her eyes and, in love, tells her what he really thinks (Ephesians 4:15). He explains his plans and actions clearly and completely because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. (Proverbs 15:22, 23)

6. Her need for home support and stability. He firmly shoulders the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. He provides and protects, and he does not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. Instead he looks for concrete ways to improve home life. He desires to raise their marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember: The husband/father is the security hub of the family. (I Timothy 5:8)

7. Her need for family commitment. He puts his family first. He commits his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the children. For example, he prays with them (especially at night by the bedside), he reads to them, he engages in sports with them, and takes them on other outings. He does not play the fool's game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while children and spouse languish in neglect. (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:19-21) --
"Love is supreme and unconditional; like is nice but limited." Duke Ellington

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power too act." Proverbs 3:27

Men and that 3 letter word they love so much!

SEX!!!!!

I was listening to the SHMS (Steve Harvey Morning Show >I love that show<) this morning when they were taking comments on the SL23. The letter was sent in by a husband whose wife is having sex with him, but there is no emotion. Now, most of the time these complaints are made by women, but that just goes to show that these things can go both ways! After Shirley and Steve made their comments they let callers make comments and of course there was one comment that stuck with me.... A 28 year old man out of Chicago, made a comment that would ring in my head all morning...he said something to the effect of... "If you make love to her mind first, her body will follow!"

 

PEOPLE....that thing is so true! Men and women both need to realize that sex is MORE than just an act. I am famous for saying, "there needs to be emotion in it"..."some feelings shown, SOMETHING, make me feel like a woman, like I want to *SET IT OFF* for you!" and people look at me like I am stupid. Now, I know most men would love the idea of I get it, you get it and we done...but how long does that really last. Honestly, NOT LONG!

 

No matter what people say, most people want some sort of affection when they are having sex, especially when they are married, in a relationship, HELL...even "cut buddies" want some sort of emotion...lol! I have made this statement in conversation on numerous occasions and I always get, "well...what is she doing..." RESPONSE: *WTH are you doing!* Are you making her feel like a woman, are you *making love to her mind first?* NO, you aren't.

 

Men, How the HELL do you expect women to want to *hang from the celing fan* and you aren't doing shyt to get the mind ready to think that her ass can get up there. Are you sending her flowers, NO! Calling her every now and then just to say you were thinking about her, NO! Are you making her feel like you think she is sexy, (even if she is not your traditional model chick/video hoe) NO! So why do you think she is going to go overboard for you...Karma baby...you get back what you put out and if you aren't putting anything out...How in the ham chaheesy do you expect to get anything back??????

 

Now to my beautiful couterparts...Women, How the HELL do you expect men to want to *act like the strippers you see at the club* and you aren't on your job! Does he come home to a hot meal in the evening, NO! Are you making him feel like the king of his castle, NO! Do you tell him that he looks good to you, (even if his 6 pack has turned in to a keg) NO! So what do you expect! I hope it is nothing, because that is what you are going to get...

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are those of us out there, both male and female that do some, if not all, of the things necessary to deserve some *sex of the mind* and our mates still don't give it! Then, you do what you feel is necessary to jump start that program, but the majority of us fall short.

 

Let's be honest with one another, people always talk about what happened when they first met! Hell when you first met, you were locked and loaded! READY to talk/text/email sex ALL DAMN DAY...now you got to much work to do, your fingers hurt so you can't text, your phone battery is almost dead so you can't call...yeah right! Give me a break!

 

If you want it, then go get it...and that means if you want/need some *sexual healing* start with the mind! The mind is they key to all things!

 

Just my thoughts...Let me know what you think!

 

Thanks in advance for your comments.

 

The Word for Today : Overcoming Procrastination!

S. Hyson~

www.shaunspeaks.blogspot.com

www.BlackStylists.com/Hair_By_Shaun

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

-----Original Message-----
From: "The Word for Today" <list.wft@rbg.co.nz>

Date: Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:06:46
To:<ms.shaun@gmail.com>
Subject: The Word for Today : Overcoming Procrastination!





<http://www.rhema.co.nz>

The Word for Today
With Bob Gass
Monday, June 2nd, 2008
New Zealand

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Hello S. Hyson, here is today's "The Word for Today", brought to you by Rhema
Broadcasting Group <http://www.rhema.co.nz> in association with The
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Bob Gass <http://websites.rbg.co.nz/TheWordForToday/bobgass_small.jpg> Overcoming Procrastination!

Find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to. - Ephesians 5:17 TLB

To overcome procrastination you must: (1) Take responsibility for your life. No matter how hard you wish, the tooth fairy isn't going to come while you're sleeping and replace failure with success. Great souls have 'wills', feeble souls have 'wishes'. You need to do something!
(2) Examine your excuses. An excuse puts the blame on something other than you, which means the solution is beyond your reach. Excuses are like exit signs on the road of progress; they take us off track. It's easier to move from failure to success, than from excuses to success. So examine your excuses and eliminate them.
(3) Focus on the benefits of completing a task. To get you over the hump, focus on what you'll 'get out of it' when you get it done. Will it bring you benefit? Clear the way for something else you'd like to do? Be a milestone in your personal development or the completion of something bigger? Will it help to clear the decks for you emotionally? Admiral William Halsey said, "All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them, but confront them. Touch a thistle timidly and it pricks you, grasp it boldly and its spines crumble."
(4) Ask for help. Columbus didn't discover the New World on his own, he needed a crew. Speaking of the church, Paul writes, "Each part...helps the other parts grow" (Eph 4:16 NLT). There's infinite value in the assistance others can give you when it comes to breaking old habits and beginning new ones. Yes, it means taking a risk because you will be vulnerable in sharing your hopes and fears. But the risk is worth taking.

SoulFood Bible Readings: 1 Ki 18:16 - 20:43, Mk 14:66-72, Ps 124, Pr 12:26
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Love *Oh Goodness*

"Love is not about finding the perfect person, it's about learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

I saw this line in a very old email today, as I was planning to cancel that account, and it became the inspiration for my blog today. There is much to be said about whether or not we should be searching for the perfect person, or loving the imperfect person perfectly! In all honesty, the Lord has made me see this lately. Everything in life isn't always going to be perfect...hell...it probably won't be anything close to that, but the thought of loving someone that isn't our "perfect person" is scary and totally no the "in" thing to do.

Think back to the "dream guy/girl" you always thought you'd end up with....is that what you got? More than likely, NO...you got someone that attracted you for whatever reason and you grew to love that person. Truth be told, you probably have said to yourself and maybe even that person, I never thought I would end up with someone like you... "SOMEONE LIKE ME" is usually the response, but that isn't always a bad thing. Sometime, we hold our standards so HIGH that we can't get anywhere close. Now ladies/fellas...I am by no means saying that you should settle, however I am saying that just because the man/woman you are with doesn't drive the Jaguar you always thought he/she would, or live in the $600 thousand dollar house you thought you would be coming over to doesn't make him/her unworthy of your love.

Just because, as women, we are "pretty" and have our "shyt" together doesn't make us perfect. We have our faults too ladies and someone has to learn to love us and all our imperfect parts as well. I don't think there is a woman out there that can honestly say that they got their dream man! Hell, I don't think there are any men out there that can say they got their dream woman, however there are people out there that can say they got a "good" man or a "good" woman.

Let's stop dreaming and wake up people...as someone once said, and I don't recall where I heard ir...life is too short to continue searching for 100% when you have a perfect 85% or 90% already in your life. Make your decisions wisely, just remember, there is only one "perfect person" and he hasn't come back yet!

Who does your hair?

OK! So I have been reading emails all day about Dominican stylist in the DC Metro area and I am a bit interested in the BIG difference between them and "us". I say "us" because I am a traditional LICENSED stylist who can do any texture of hair, so much so that I used to work in one of the BEST all white salons on the west coast and I never had an issue.

Now, I understand that I may be a rare gem in my field, but honestly when I look at some hair that has been "done" by the Dominicans it looks very dry and in some instances split. I understand people who don't want a lot of "grease" or oil in their hair, but we need to realize that this is something that we need, especially with chemically treated hair. Chemicals and heat strip the natural oils from our hair and can cause MAJOR damage, which is the reason that it is HIGHLY recommended that we use some sort of oil on our hair or scalp.

Aside from the "oil" issues that people have, why are so many women leaving the traditional salon to go to the Dominicans. Is it price, customer service, time or none of the above? Whatever your reason, just make sure that whatever stylist you choose to spend your "cheese" with has a license, because many times...THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!

Give me your .02 cents...

Natural Hair

Recently I decided to go natural, what a change! What started out as a choice became a necesity when I pulled my hair out trying to quickly change my weave. *I'm just keeping it real* Now, as a licensed and practicing hair stylist I knew I should have been more careful, but do we ever listen to ourselves...NO! So, now I am all natural and surprsingly loving it! I feel like a new person. Someone once told me that many things live in our hair, and cutting it, gets rid of those things. Do you believe in that theory or do you think it is just a bunch of BS? and do you think that most people aren't natural because of a dependence on chemicals?