Epiphany...Today I realized some things!!!

Well...well...well...How have you been Cyber World????

It has been a long time since I have posted some of my original thoughts on this BLOG but for a while now, I have been feeling the need to release some built up tension and what better place to do it then right here on my BLOG. 

Lately, I have been doing a lot of work on myself. Mainly, because I have had nothing but time, but also because I have noticed some things that need to change in my life. I learned a long time ago that you can't change other people so you have to begin with self so here is where I begin...

I had an epiphany today (well actually a few)... I realized some things about myself and the things that make me tick and they make  good sense so I thought I would share them with those that care to read.

Here lately, myself and a few of the other females in my circle have come to the true realization that SOME DUDES just aren't meant to be. No matter how much you like them...want to be with them...think they have potential or whatever SOME just plain aren't READY! Point Blank PERIOD...now this can be a very harsh reality for a female who thought they had things all figured out!

Silly me right...RIGHT! 

I decided that it was time to think of some things and work on me, after spending my last Sunday sharing my blues with my BFF whom I love to death (BIG Kisses & Hugs to her for always being there...) We came to a consensus on some things which brought me to some of the epiphanies that I had today...

1. I AM GETTING TOO "MATURE" FOR "RANDOM" DATING 

Now, don't get me wrong, I like going out on dates, but I am no longer at the point that I want to go out on dates with "Who shot John" on Monday, "I look good, but have nothing on my mind Dan" on Wednesday and "I am going to make you think I am ready but still want to play Tom" On  Friday or Saturday. I don't mind dating, but dating one person is enough to remember...I don't want to be dating half the city trying to find one person who may be even remotely close to wanting the same things that I want. I have even discovered that dating one person, if they're the wrong person, can still be a hassle so from now on I plan to ask any man that wants to take me out, why?

Him:     Can I take you out some time soon?
Me:       Why? Are you ready for something serious later?
Him:     Uhhhhhh... *running scared because he was just playing* 
Me:       I thought so...

I just don't have time any more and I don't want to waste any more time. Now, while it may be a little funny, it is true...if my ultimate goal is to be in a committed relationship with ONE MAN then there is no need for me to be dating the dude that still wants to play, have "snow bunnies" or "suga mommas" I just don't have time for it anymore. For years, I have been hearing...if a MAN wants to be with you he knows within minutes of meeting you...They say when a man knows he knows...OK...I won't be the one waiting around anymore while he tries to figure it out. Get it together please or get on...or as I said on FB earlier after watching it on this relationship video..."It is time to "Step up in my life or STEP OUT..." Playtime is OVER! It will never be the perfect time for most things...learn to be honest, relate, communicate and GROW TOGETHER!!!" I wish folks would stop being so scared of what they are going to miss in these streets and realize it is NOTHING!!! You can build some much more with someone...we weren't made to be a part, but guess who will be until I have someone who is READY to step up in my life and grow together...ME!


2. I HATE BEING LIED TOO...


Now this was another one of my FB stats today...yes, it was based on some lies that I realized, did I confront the person about it?! ...NO... Why you might ask?!...because they already knew they were lying to me. They lied on purpose to cover something up that they didn't really want me to know. Let me ask you something person!!!... do you really think I am going to keep hanging around and the quality of your lies is so bad that I can see right through them....IMMEDIATELY! I mean come on son! Give me some credit. I have been in this world for a beautiful 31 years and I have been through and seen more things than you might be able to imagine, you aren't really getting over on me slim! I know you! I have watched you change and I see the difference. Man, I am x-ray hip, as my good friend would say, meaning I see right through your ish...just because I don't openly acknowledge it right now, doesn't mean I am not paying attention. I see and HEAR everything. Sad part about it is most folk don't even realize when you are giving them time to redeem themselves. I want to just scream like in the Spike Lee Movie WAAAAKKKKEEEEE UUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! I guess that won't happen until folks are watching my back! (as I walk away of course) 


3. IF HE LIKES YOU HE WILL MAKE TIME


Now, I can't say that this is really new, but more and more I am watching people accept less and less, including myself, and I had to stop and ask myself...Gurla...what are you doing?! You know dag on well that man had time to come see you or talk to you, he didn't because HE DIDN'T WANT TO...tonight or today was someone else's time and you can't have it. If a MAN, not a BOY wants to be with you, he will make time, he will call, he will want to see you as much as he knows you want to see him...take a look at this video that I watched today. He is certainly speaking some confirmation to me. In the beginning, dudes will sacrifice almost everything to come see you, call you, text you, whatever and then *POW* the new chick hits the scene and *in my Selena Johnson voice* It all falls down...hill that is. The calls stop, the visits get far and few in between, the texts become non-existent and eventually you two fall off the map. I don't have time for this crap anymore. At the first site of lessened behavior I'm singing "hit the road jack and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more..." unless you are ready that is and you have consulted God first...I don't have time for childish games anymore, life is too short.  Grow up or GET LOST... PLEASE!!!! 

4. I AM TAKING MY POWER BACK AND KEEPING IT!

I am a woman who likes to do nice things for my guy, I cook, plan surprises and even make sure that I help you remember the things most important to you. Now, unlike some of the things mentioned in this clip that I watched earlier from Talks with Tony, which I think would be helpful to help you get your power back as well, I don't let men control me in the ways most think. Me, in all honesty, I let you know that I like you if I do and I let you know what I don't like if there is something. Most men can't handle that so it can become a power struggle between the two or scare some half to death. When I say I want honesty...believe me I do, so I can make a choice to stay or to go...I don't like being forced into things. I don't like being in the room with your friends and everyone else knows I am just one of many...atleast let me be in on the joke...don't leave me hanging. I like laughter too! *Shooooot* Don't save all the funnies for after I leave let me laugh with you, so I can laugh at you when I make haste and *STEP* I am at a point in my life where I am ready to be someone's "NUMERO UNO" I don't want to be number on the team...I want to be NUMBER ONE AND ONLY...If you can't or aren't ready for that say so Jack! and we can make like a banana and split! LOL...corny I know, but I mean it...Life is too short and I mean way too short to be playing on a team forever. The only team I want to be on is my softball team (Go Team DirtBoyz), but no relationship teams for me unless it is our family unit. I said all that to say it is either ALL OR NOTHING and I am keeping my power until someone is ready and willing to give me their all and I MEAN IT!


NOW, please read me and read me clearly, I don't mean that we need to be married over night, but I do know that there will never be a perfect time for much of what goes on in this life. Everything will take work. We will all have our good days and our bad days, but ultimately we make ourselves happy. If you find someone that makes you happy, why wait...so someone else can come along and try to get them...makes no sense. Now, I know that according to the word, what God has for you is for you, so if someone comes along and takes that person then they may not have been for you, but what if they are and your procrastination, because you need a few more notches on your head board, lets them pass you by...Yes, there is a possibility you may get them back, but how long will you hurt before you do?


Save the begging and make the right decision today...save yourself and work on yourself until the right one comes along is what I am telling myself...Maybe you should do the same..

I am so thankful for these things I realized today...and I am even more happy that I sat down and wrote this BLOG...


Just my thoughts and I thank you for yours...comments that is...


*Muah*


Ms. Shaun

Do all men have mistresses???

I received this message via email from Facebook and I thought what better way to get back into blogging then to start with this topic.  See my comments in the comment section...

Please leave your thoughts...

Peace & Love...

*Ms. Cocoa Butterfly*

Dear Champ,
I have somewhat of a problem that has left me very confused emotionally, and I could use a males perspective from someone who doesn’t know me and isn’t afraid to keep it real with me. I’m friends with this guy and we’ve been friends for about a year now and we mesh so well…. Long story short we’ve developed feelings for each other over the course of our friendship, the problem is he has a girlfriend! Now we’ve never been intimate or even kissed for that matter but the feelings are evident to everyone even his girlfriend (she’s very insecure when it comes to me, she has all reason to be because he’s cheating emotionally)… The thing is he expresses to me how he wants to leave his girlfriend; partly because of me and partly because he believes its the end of the road for their relationship, but he doesn’t want to break her heart (so he says).

My question: is his procrastination a true sign that he really doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend to build something with me? I mean i don’t think he would have any reason to string me along he hasn’t even gotten any…. But hey I’m not a man and as much as i would like to believe that i know what the opposite sex is thinking,I DON’T! please help Champ.Emotionally Confused.

Dear Emotionally Confused,
I must really like you, because I’m about to tell you something that might get my man card suspended for the next 6 to 8 months. Included with that man card membership is at least a dozen very generous perks, including discounted wings at specified location, a GPS to let you know exactly how far away your girlfriend is so you can shut your fun down before she has a chance to, and a Rosetta Stone to help you decipher Derrick Rose whenever he speaks. But, I’m willing to risk all that for what I’m about to tell you. You ready? Ok.
Every man has a mistress. (Yes. Every.) Now, a man’s mistress may not be a mistress in a traditional sense — he doesn’t have to actually sleep with her — but pretty much every man has at least one woman in his life aside from his significant other who “validates” him and reminds him of how attractive he is. Sometimes it’s a co-worker who has a slight crush on him. Sometimes it’s an ex-girlfriend (If you ever wondered why some guys keep ex’s around, this is the reason). Sometimes it may just be a barista at the Starbucks he stops at every morning, the one who always smiles and flirts with him and occasionally makes him think “What if?” We do this because we crave attention and acknowledgement just as much as women do. And, while most women can just walk down a city block and be reminded of how attractive they are to men, most of us don’t have that same luxury. This is where you — the mistress — come in.
Now, while it may seem like this guy is “stringing you along” for no reason (you mentioned that you haven’t slept together), he’s just enjoying the attention you’re providing him. While he may have feelings for you, there’s perhaps a 99.999% chance that he will not leave his girlfriend for you. I mean sure, he might leave his girlfriend, but don’t expect him to straight to you ready to start anew. And, even if he does happen to do that, if his track record — he’s been doing the emotional cheating thing for a year — is any indication, he’s not a guy you’d want to be in a relationship with anyway.
My advice? Lose his number, delete his email address, unfollow him on Twitter, unfriend him on Facebook, and find someone new.
Sincerely,
Damon Young (aka The Champ)

The Front Row of My Life

Image retrieved from Google Images

Everyone Can't Be In The Front Row... Life is a theater. Invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in your life.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere, relationships or friendships.

The fundamentals of ANY relationship...

I don't know where this list came from, but it is nothing but the truth! What do you think?

THE FIVE BASIC NEEDS OF A MAN

A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five basic needs:

1. His need for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 5: 23, 33)

2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual r!elationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15-23, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)

3. His need for home support. She creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13, 19:13, 21:9, 19, 25:24, 31:10-31)

4. His need for her attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband ispleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)

5. His need for a life companion. She! develops mutual interests with herhusband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they canenjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1, 2, 6)

THE SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A WOMAN

Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her seven basic marital needs:

1. Her need for a spiritual leader. He is a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. He takes the initiative in cultivating aspiritual environment for the family. He becomes a capable and competent student of God's Word and lives out before all a life founded on the Word of God. He leads his wife in becoming a woman! of God, and he takes the lead in training the children in the things of the Lord. (Psalm 1, Ephesians 5:23-27)

2. Her need for personal affirmation/appreciation. He praises her for personal attributes and qualities. He extols her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He openly commends her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She feels that to him no one is more important in this world. (Proverbs 31:28-29, Song of Solomon 4:1-7, 6:4-9, 7:1-9)
3. Her need for personal affection (romance). He showers her with timely and generous displays of affection. He also tells her how much he cares for her with a steadfast flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. Remember: Affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed and a wonderful marriage develops. (Song of Solomon 6:10, 13, Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33)

4. Her need for intim!ate conversation. He talks with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). He listens to her thoughts (i.e., her heart) about the eventsof her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her convey a desire to understand her, not to change her. (Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 8:13-14, I Peter 3:7)

5. Her need for honesty and openness. He looks into her eyes and, in love, tells her what he really thinks (Ephesians 4:15). He explains his plans and actions clearly and completely because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. (Proverbs 15:22, 23)

6. Her need for home support and stability. He firmly shoulders the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. He provides and protects, and he does not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. Instead he looks for concrete ways to improve home life. He desires to raise their marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember: The husband/father is the security hub of the family. (I Timothy 5:8)

7. Her need for family commitment. He puts his family first. He commits his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the children. For example, he prays with them (especially at night by the bedside), he reads to them, he engages in sports with them, and takes them on other outings. He does not play the fool's game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while children and spouse languish in neglect. (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:19-21) --
"Love is supreme and unconditional; like is nice but limited." Duke Ellington

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power too act." Proverbs 3:27