Ms. Shaun Speaks

Do all men have mistresses???

2011-12-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

I received this message via email from Facebook and I thought what better way to get back into blogging then to start with this topic. See my comments in the comment section...

Please leave your thoughts...

Peace & Love...

*Ms. Cocoa Butterfly*

Dear Champ,
I have somewhat of a problem that has left me very confused emotionally, and I could use a males perspective from someone who doesn’t know me and isn’t afraid to keep it real with me. I’m friends with this guy and we’ve been friends for about a year now and we mesh so well…. Long story short we’ve developed feelings for each other over the course of our friendship, the problem is he has a girlfriend! Now we’ve never been intimate or even kissed for that matter but the feelings are evident to everyone even his girlfriend (she’s very insecure when it comes to me, she has all reason to be because he’s cheating emotionally)… The thing is he expresses to me how he wants to leave his girlfriend; partly because of me and partly because he believes its the end of the road for their relationship, but he doesn’t want to break her heart (so he says).
My question: is his procrastination a true sign that he really doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend to build something with me? I mean i don’t think he would have any reason to string me along he hasn’t even gotten any…. But hey I’m not a man and as much as i would like to believe that i know what the opposite sex is thinking,I DON’T! please help Champ.Emotionally Confused.

Dear Emotionally Confused,
I must really like you, because I’m about to tell you something that might get my man card suspended for the next 6 to 8 months. Included with that man card membership is at least a dozen very generous perks, including discounted wings at specified location, a GPS to let you know exactly how far away your girlfriend is so you can shut your fun down before she has a chance to, and a Rosetta Stone to help you decipher Derrick Rose whenever he speaks. But, I’m willing to risk all that for what I’m about to tell you. You ready? Ok.
Every man has a mistress. (Yes. Every.) Now, a man’s mistress may not be a mistress in a traditional sense — he doesn’t have to actually sleep with her — but pretty much every man has at least one woman in his life aside from his significant other who “validates” him and reminds him of how attractive he is. Sometimes it’s a co-worker who has a slight crush on him. Sometimes it’s an ex-girlfriend (If you ever wondered why some guys keep ex’s around, this is the reason). Sometimes it may just be a barista at the Starbucks he stops at every morning, the one who always smiles and flirts with him and occasionally makes him think “What if?” We do this because we crave attention and acknowledgement just as much as women do. And, while most women can just walk down a city block and be reminded of how attractive they are to men, most of us don’t have that same luxury. This is where you — the mistress — come in.
Now, while it may seem like this guy is “stringing you along” for no reason (you mentioned that you haven’t slept together), he’s just enjoying the attention you’re providing him. While he may have feelings for you, there’s perhaps a 99.999% chance that he will not leave his girlfriend for you. I mean sure, he might leave his girlfriend, but don’t expect him to straight to you ready to start anew. And, even if he does happen to do that, if his track record — he’s been doing the emotional cheating thing for a year — is any indication, he’s not a guy you’d want to be in a relationship with anyway.
My advice? Lose his number, delete his email address, unfollow him on Twitter, unfriend him on Facebook, and find someone new.
Sincerely,
Damon Young (aka The Champ)

Mathematics

2011-02-25T13:31:00.000-05:00

This was such a beautiful video, I had to share with you all. Please take a look at it when you get a moment. It is truly worth watching.

Beautiful Mathematics Video

Shaun

I've been hacked...

2010-09-01T19:06:00.003-04:00

I apologize to everyone that follows my BLOG...I have been HACKED twice in the past week. I have changed my password AGAIN and I hope that I cause you no further problems.

Thank you.

Ms. Shaun

Six Steps Evening Care

2010-06-03T15:08:00.004-04:00

My sister is starting a new business venture. Please direct people to this site or forward the flyer.

For more information please contact Miss Drea at 240.353.3014 or see the flyer below.

Please and Thank you.

Ms. Shaun

This is what 100 years old should look like!

2010-05-27T16:57:00.002-04:00

I received this as an email and I thought it was extremely important to share. If anyone knows her, please let her know that she gives me hope for a long life and the she is beautiful both inside and outside.

Ladies, if we are going to model someone she is definitely a good woman to follow.

The email I received read:

This past weekend I had the pleasure and honor of being the Mistress of Ceremonies to celebrate the 100th birthday of Vorese Fisher. This awesome woman of God is the only remaining family member and aunt of my dear friend Tracy Kennedy. She is affectionately known to many of us as "Aunt Vo." Tracy had a photo shoot for Aunt Vo a few days before her 100th Birthday. Oh yes, she is 100 years young!

Aunt Vo gets her rest. She loves the Perry Mason TV show. She cooks delicious homemade rolls. She is still mobile and enjoying riding her stationery exercise bike to stay healthy. This woman of tremendous poise, grace, beauty and still in her "right mind" is the first centenarian that I have personally known and grew to love, admire and respect. I asked Aunt Vo what was her secret to longevity. She said, "Jesus in the morning. Jesus in the afternoon and Jesus at night kept me in peace." Aunt Vo revealed her secret for health is simply moderation. Nothing overdone...nothing overdone. Aunt Vo retired from being in sales at the Bullocks Wilshire store in 1975. She is an avid reader. She learned how to endure the struggles and hardships of being a woman of color and so happy to have lived to received White House birthday greetings from President and Michelle Obama.

I'm single because...

2010-05-12T13:28:00.004-04:00

Why I’m Single
>
> by Nina Brown
>
> ——————————-
>
> I am single because I have a 6 year old son who soaks up everything like a sponge and I haven’t met too many men who would leave an impression on him I would be proud of.
>
> I am single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.
>
> I am single because I am a “single black female addicted to retail” and when the going gets tough, I spend my money on very expensive jeans or a fabulous new designer hand bag. I spend my own money on my fetishes because I never want to feel like I owe a man anything because he bought me something .
>
> I am single because after 3 months of dating, you cut me off with no explanation… only for me to realize, you’ve been engaged to be married the entire time. It’s unfortunate a radio show had to bring the truth out. Wow, thanks for copying on me the non-existent memo.
>
> I am single because I can be very stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards because of the shortage of available, straight men.
>
> I am single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to date a man who lacks it.
>
> I am single because my vision is grand, and my man has to understand that, and be working on his own incredible vision simultaneously.
>
> I am single because I am quick witted and extremely driven. I will not date a “slow lane” dude. I’d like my man to drive faster than I do, so that I can be challenged by a new speed and inspired to “keep up”.
>
> I am single because I will never allow a man to make me feel like I’m not the shit. Even when my skin isn’t perfect, my waist isn’t the smallest and my booty isn’t the biggest… I’m still the shit.
>
> I am single because I have an incredible Daddy who raised me, I understand what a stand up dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, woman and household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.
>
> I am single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men can’t handle the fact I’m around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7.
>
> I am single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don’t always want to be the “driver”. I’d like to ride shotgun every once in a while, as my man takes over. He’ll never have to worry about my ability to drive, when he’s tired, I’ll gladly take over.
>
> I am single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have ego’s that need to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel like “men”, looking down upon “independent women”. Fortunately, I’m not looking for a “daddy”, I’ve got one. I’m looking for an “equal” who can help me take over the world.
>
> I am single because my male mentors expose me to things most men can’t, like fine dining and traveling to new places some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would never expect a man to attempt to keep up with another, but its a state of mind, I need my man to want to expose me to new shit. Teach me something I don’t already know, show me something I haven’t already seen. If you can’t physically or financially do that, be able to do it mentally, it does count.
>
> I am single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance.
>
> I am single because the one guy who captured my heart, happens to be a lil busy taking over the world, managing a multi-platinum artist and running a successful record label, timing is everything… and it wasn’t our time. I fell in love with his work ethic, so I could never stand in the way of his grind. I watch from afar in amazement at his growth. Proud of everything he has accomplished and who he has become. I fall back easily, knowing you win some and you lose some… And if you’re lucky, you remain friends for a lifetime, which means… you never really lost.
>
> I am single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the majority of men these days have no idea where they’re going… And I’m supposed to follow you???
>
> I am single because I will not sweat or stalk you, regardless of how fine you might be… I’ve got pride and a life.
>
> I am single because I choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you drive a flashy car, rock $500 Evisu jeans or have an icy watch and chain to match. Often times, that’s all you’ve got… these 4 things.
>
> I am single because I’m attracted to the hip hop culture and sometimes shy away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I’m addicted to swagger, its not my fault.
>
> I am single because sometimes I’d rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at 3:30 am, 5 days a week… You have to be the SHIT to make me sacrifice my R & R.
>
> I am single because I’d sometimes rather hang out with my fabulous girlfriends then play the “get to know you” game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?
>
> I am single because I don’t want to inherit your baby mama drama… My sons father is one of the most unselfish men I’ve ever met. I thank God I don’t have baby daddy drama, why welcome yours?
>
> I am single because some men are intimidated by my profession.
>
> I am single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I’m a good girl, if that doesn’t make you want to make me number one, I keep it moving.
>
> I am single because I don’t want to meet your kids on the second date, just because you date, doesn’t mean your children do too… I need a man who understands that.
>
> I am single because I think male groupies are the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they see it in themselves. Its disgusting.
>
> I am single because I realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the benefits of my profession. If I were the same chick and working at QT, you wouldn’t be that pressed.
>
> I am single because the most important men in my life told me, I deserve the best, and now, that’s what I want.
>
> I am single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult to my intelligence.
>
> I am single because I have a phobia for the down low. I need a man who digs women… Only!
>
> I am single because I walk away at the first sight of a “red flag”. I have an incurable syndrome called “quick-to-cut-a-nigga-off”. Surprisingly, men suffer from psycho behavior too… Funny, I thought that was just a “girl thing”???
>
> I am single because I choose to be. When the right man comes along who truly deserves my love, I will not doubt, second guess or conditionally love him. He will have me, and ALL of me. I will hold no punches and always be honest, yet compromising, realizing anything worth having requires hard work. I won’t expect a relationship shortcut, I’ll welcome the long route and enjoy the scenery along the way.
>
> Just my thoughts,
>
> Nina Brown

After reading the thoughts of Ms. Brown I had to stop and take a look at myself and ask, why am I single? I discovered that, YES, I am single for some of the same reasons as Nina, but I am also single for other reasons, matters of personal preference just like Nina.

In my opinion, we are all single, married, dating, or half in/half out because we want to be. If we wanted to be in a relationship with someone we could be, but we have to position ourselves accordingly first.

Maybe some of us are not in relationships because we still have some work to do!? I have been doing a lot of self reflection (or at least I have been trying to do much more than I have been) and during these times I realize that there is still a lot of work to be done on the inside of me. How do we expect to foster good relationships and get all that we desire if we are crappy on the inside. Not only does it harm our physical body, but it kills our spiritual self...a topic for another BLOG! (LOL) It made me think of the new show with Chili from TLC. Now I am in no way passing judgment or saying that she needs to do some work on herself, even though I believe that learning is a lifelong process and NO ONE is perfect...yet some of the things on her list seem a bit "hard to find" in today's society because we are looking for love, seemingly, in all the wrong places. As women I know that we can be picky people and want what we want, when we want it, but have we thought about how all our demands will mesh when put together in a single person?

I know for me, it seems that over time, I have based my wants in a relationship on lessons of the past, both good and bad. I am sure this has both helped and harmed me on my journey, yet, it has made me stronger. Over time I have grown to accept the fact, that whom ever God has for me is for me, no matter how much of a list I have or how much I "think" I want something different. It is often times the simple difference between acceptance or rejection that makes the difference between being single or together...what do you think?

Peace and Blessings,
*Cocoa Butterfly*

The Front Row of My Life

2010-05-12T12:07:00.007-04:00

Image retrieved from Google Images

Everyone Can't Be In The Front Row... Life is a theater. Invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in your life.
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere, relationships or friendships.

Tyranny of the Urgent By Charles E. Hummel

2010-04-22T12:06:00.002-04:00

I read this with my church group and it made so much sense, I wanted to share it with everyone. It really gives a good point for reflection... If you feel so compelled please share and comment...I will post my thoughts in the comment section!

With Love,

Ms. Cocoa Butterfly (Shaun)

Tyranny of the Urgent

Charles E. Hummel

Have you ever wished for a thirty-hour day? Surely this extra time would relieve the tremendous pressure under which we live. Our lives leave a trail of unfinished tasks. Unanswered letters, unvisited friends, unwritten articles, and unread books haunt quiet moments when we stop to evaluate. We desperately need relief. But would a thirty-hour day really solve the problem? Wouldn’t we soon be just as frustrated as we are now with our twenty-four allotment? A mother’s work is never finished, and neither is that of any student, teacher, minister, or anyone else we know. Nor will the passage of time help us catch up. Children grow in number and age to require more of our time. Greater experience in profession and church brings more exacting assignments. So we find ourselves working more and enjoying it less.

JUMBLED PRIORITIES…

When we stop to evaluate, we realize that our dilemma goes deeper than a shortage of time; it is basically the problem of priorities. Hard work does not hurt us. We all know what it is to go full speed for long hours, totally involved in an important task. The resulting weariness is matched by a sense of achievement and joy. Not hard work, but doubt and misgiving, produce anxiety as we review a month or year and become oppressed by the pile of unfinished tasks. We sense uneasily that we may have failed to do the important. The winds of people’s demands have driven us onto a reef of frustration. We confess, quite apart from our sins, “We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.” Several years ago an experienced cotton mill manager said to me, “Your greatest danger is letting the urgent things crowd out the important.” He didn’t realize how hard his maxim hit. It often returns to haunt and rebuke me by raising the critical problem of priorities. We live in constant tension between the urgent and the important. The problem is that the important task rarely must be done today or even this week. Extra hours of prayer and Bible study, a visit with the non-Christian friend, careful study of an important book: these projects can wait. But the urgent tasks call for instant action---endless demands pressure every hour and day. A man’s home is no longer his castle; it is no longer a place from urgent tasks because the telephone breaches the walls with imperious demands. The momentary appeal of these tasks seems irresistible and important, and they devour our energy. But in the light of time’s perspective their deceptive prominence fades; with a sense of loss we recall the important task pushed aside. We realize we’ve become slaves to the tyranny of the urgent.

CAN YOU ESCAPE…….?

Is there any escape from this pattern of living? The answer lies in the life of our Lord. On the night before He died, Jesus made an astonishing claim. In the great prayer of John 17 He said, “ I have finished the work which Thou gavest me to do” (verse 4). How could Jesus use the word “finished”? His three-year ministry seemed all too short. A prostitute at Simon’s banquet had found forgiveness and a new life, but many others still walked the street without forgiveness and a new life. For every ten withered muscles that had flexed into health, a hundred remained impotent. Yet on that last night, with many useful tasks undone and urgent human needs unmet, the Lord had peace; He knew He had finished God’s work. The Gospel records show that Jesus worked hard. After describing a busy day Mark writes, “That evening at sundown, they brought to Him all who were sick or possessed with demons. And the whole city was gathered about the door. And He healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons” (1:32-34). On another occasion the demand of the ill and maimed caused Him to miss supper and to work so late that His family thought He was beside Himself (Mark 3:21). One day after a strenuous teaching session, Jesus and His disciples went out in a boat. Even a storm didn’t awaken Him (Mark 4:37-38). What a picture of exhaustion. Yet His life was never feverish; He had time for people. He could spend hours talking to one person, such as the Samaritan women at the well. His life showed a wonderful balance, a sense of timing. When His brothers wanted Him to go to Judea, He replied, “My time has not yet come” (John 7:6). Jesus did not ruin His gifts by haste. In The Discipline and Culture of the Spiritual Life, A.E. Whiteham observes; “Here in this Man is adequate purpose…inward rest, that gives an air of leisure to His crowded life: above all there is in this Man a secret and a power of dealing with the waste-products of life, the waste of pain, disappointment, enmity, death---turning to divine uses the abuses of man, transforming arid places of pain to fruitfulness, triumphing at last in death and making a short life of thirty years or so, abruptly cut off, to be a ‘finished’ life. We cannot admire the poise and beauty of this human life, and then ignore the things that made it.”

WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS…

What was the secret of Jesus’ work? We find a clue following Mark’s account of Jesus’ busy day. Mark observes that “….in the morning, a great while before day, He rose and went out to a lonely place, and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35). Here is the secret of Jesus’ life and work for God: He prayerfully waited for His Father’s instructions and for the strength to follow them. Jesus had no divinely-drawn blueprint; He discerned the Father’s will day by day in a life of prayer. By this means He warded off the urgent and accomplished the important. Lazarus’s death illustrates this principle. What could have been more important than the urgent message from Mary and Martha, “Lord, he whom you love is ill” (John 11:3)? John records the Lord’s response in these paradoxical words: “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that he was ill, He stayed two days longer in the place where He was” (verses 5-6). What was the urgent need? Obviously it was to prevent the death of this beloved brother. But the important thing from God’s point of view was to raise Lazarus from the dead. So Lazarus was allowed to die. Later Jesus revived him as a sign of His magnificent claim, “I am the resurrection and the life: he who believes in Me though he die, yet shall he live” (verse 25). We may wonder why our Lord’s ministry was so short, why it could not have lasted another five or ten years, why so many wretched sufferers were left in their misery. Scripture gives not answer to these questions, and we leave them in the mystery of God’s purposes. But we do know that Jesus’ prayerful waiting for God’s instructions freed Him from the tyranny of the urgent. It gave Him a sense of direction, set a steady pace and enabled Him to do every task God assigned. And on the last night He could say, “I have finished the work which Thou gavest me to do.”

DEPENDENCE MAKES YOU FREE…

Freedom from the tyranny of the urgent is found in the example and promise of our Lord. At the end of a vigorous debate with the Pharisees in Jerusalem, Jesus said to those who believed in Him: “If you continue in My Word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free… Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin…So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:31-36). Many of us have experienced Christ’s deliverance from the penalty of sin. Are we letting Him free us from the tyranny of the urgent? He points the way: “If you continue in My Word.” This is the way to freedom. Through prayerful meditation on God’s Word we gain His perspective. P.T. Forsyth once said, “The worst sin is prayerlessness.” We usually think of murder, adultery, or theft as among the worst. But the root of all sin is self-sufficiency---independence from God. When we fail to wait prayerfully for God’s guidance and strength we are saying, with our actions, if not our lips, that we do not need Him. How much of our service is characterized by “going it alone”? The opposite of such independence is prayer in which we acknowledge our need for God’s instruction and supply. Concerning a dependent relationship with God, Donald Baillie says: “Jesus lived His life in complete dependence upon God, as we all ought to live our lives. But such dependence does not destroy human personality. Man is never so truly and fully personal as when he is living in complete dependence upon God. This is how personality comes into its own. This is humanity at its most personal.” Prayerful waiting on God is indispensable to effective service. Like the time-out in a football game, it enables us to catch our breath and fix new strategy. As we wait for directions, the Lord frees us from the tyranny of the urgent. He shows us the truth about Himself, ourselves, and our tasks. He impresses on our minds the assignments He want us to undertake. The need itself is not the call; the call must come form the God who knows our limitation. “The Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). It is not God who loads us until we bend or crack with an ulcer, nervous breakdown, heart attack, or stroke. These come from our inner compulsions coupled with the pressure of circumstances.

EVALUATE…

The modern businessman recognizes this principle of taking time out for evaluation. When Greenwalt was president of DuPont, he said, “One minute spent in planning saves three or four minutes in execution.” Many salesmen have revolutionized their profits by setting aside Friday afternoon to plan carefully the major activities for the coming week. If an executive is too busy to stop and plan, he may find himself replaced by another man who takes time to plan. If the Christian is too busy to stop, take spiritual inventory, and receive his assignments from God, he becomes a slave to the tyranny of the urgent. He may work day and night to achieve much that seems significant to himself and others, but he will not finish the work God has for him to do. A quiet time of meditation and prayer at the start of the day refocuses our relationship with God. Recommit yourself to His will as you think of the hours that follow. In these unhurried moments list in order of priority the tasks to be done, taking into account commitments already made. A competent general always draws up his battle plan before he engages the enemy; he does not postpone basic decisions until the firing starts. But he is also prepared to change his plans if an emergency demands it. So try to implement the plans you have made before the day’s battle against the clock begins. But be open to any emergency interruption or unexpected person who may call. You may also find it necessary to resist the temptation to accept an engagement when the invitation first comes over the telephone. No matter how clear the calendar may look at the moment, ask for a day or two to pray for guidance before committing yourself. Surprisingly the engagement often appears less important after the pleading voice has become silent. If you can withstand the urgency of the initial moment, you will be in a better position to weigh the cost and discern whether the task is God’s will for you. In addition to your daily quiet time, set aside one hour a week for spiritual inventory. Write an evaluation of the past, record anything God may be teaching you, and plan objectives for the future. Also try to reserve most of one day each month for a similar inventory of longer range. Often you will fail. Ironically, the busier you get the more you need this time of inventory, but the less you seem to be able to take it. You become like the fanatic, who, when unsure of his direction, doubles his speed. And frenetic service for God can become an escape from God. But when you prayerfully take inventory and plan your days, it provides fresh perspective on your work.

CONTINUE THE EFFORT…

Over the years the greatest continuing struggle in the Christian life is the effort to make adequate time for daily waiting on God, weekly inventory, and monthly planning. Because this time for receiving marching orders is so important, Satan will do everything he can to squeeze it out. Yet we know from experience that only by this means can we escape the tyranny of the urgent. This is how Jesus succeeded. He did not finish all the urgent tasks in Palestine or all the things He would have liked to do, but He did finish the work which God gave Him to do. The only alternative to frustration is to be sure that we are doing what God wants. Nothing substitutes for knowing that this day, this hour, in this place we are doing the will of the Father. Then and only then can we think of all the other unfinished tasks with equanimity and leave them with God. Sometime ago Simba bullets killed a young man, Dr Paul Carson. In the providence of God, his life’s work was finished. Most of us will live longer and die more quietly, but when the end comes, what could give us greater joy than being sure that we have finished the work God gave us to do? The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ makes this fulfillment possible. He has promised deliverance from the sin and the power to serve God in the tasks of His choice. The way is clear. If we continue in the Word of our Lord, we are truly His disciples. And He will free us from the tyranny of the urgent, free us to do the important, which is the will of God.

Copyright 1967 by Intervarsity Christian Fellowship. Reprinted by permission of InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, Il 60515

A Discussion of Tyranny of the Urgent

It seems to me that perfection of means and confusion of goals seem to characterize our age.
-Albert Einstein
The good is often the enemy of the best.
-Unknown

Retrieved on 4/22/10 from http://74.125.47.132/search?q=cache:2QXDj3mfklYJ:www.uga.edu/navigators/Resources/Tyranny%20of%20the%20Urgent%202.doc+tyranny+of+the+urgent&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=4&gl=us&client=firefox-a

Zeitgeist Movie: Religion, 911, Money

2010-04-08T13:31:00.002-04:00

I watched this video a while ago, and got a new version today... Please be warned that this video deals with RELIGION, 911, AND MONEY

I did not create the video, but I have watched it and would like to know what you think...

Click here to watch the movie

(Just incase the link is http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-594683847743189197#)

Can't wait to read what you think.

Love Note- Wilderness Mentality

2010-03-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

I got this email, as I do daily, but today it touched somewhere different. Just had to share.

Shaun

Love Note - Wilderness Mentality

March 3

The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, You have dwelt long enough on this mountain. Turn and take up your journey and go to the hill country of the Amorites. . . . Behold, I have set the land before you; go in and take possession of the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give to them and to their descendants after them.
- Deuteronomy 1:6-8

Those of us who are parents know these words so well: "In a minute. Just a little longer." We call our children to leave their playing and come inside, but they want just a little more time to stay out with their friends. For now, at least, they're content playing and don't want to think about getting cleaned up or eating dinner. It's always, "Just a little longer"-if we let them. And at times, we adults act a little like those children who cry out, "Just a little longer."

I've met miserable people-those who disliked their lives, hated their jobs, or were in intolerable relationships with the wrong kind of people. They knew they were miserable, but they did nothing about it. "Just a little longer." A little longer for what? More pain? More discouragement? More unhappiness?

Those are the people who have what I call the wilderness mentality. I want to explain that. Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt. If they had obeyed God, stopped their grumbling, and moved straight ahead as God originally told them, they could have made the trip in eleven days. But it took them forty years.

Why did they finally leave? Only because God said, "You have dwelt long enough on this mountain." If God hadn't pushed them into the Promised Land, I wonder how long they would have stayed and longed to cross the Jordan.

They were people in bondage. Although they had seen miracles in Egypt and had praised God at the defeat of the Egyptian armies at the Red Sea, they were still in bondage. The chains were no longer on their bodies, but they had never removed those chains from their minds. That is the wilderness mentally.

For forty years, they grumbled. They had no water, and then God provided it for them. They grumbled about the food. Manna was all right, but they wanted meat of some kind. No matter what the situation, they were still mental prisoners. As they had been in Egypt, so they were in the wilderness. No matter how good things became, they were never good enough.

They had forgotten all the hardships and slavery in Egypt, and every time they were dissatisfied with Moses' leadership they moaned, "Oh, if only we had stayed in Egypt."

They had forgotten how bad things were; they had no vision for how good things could get. When they had the chance to move into the new land, they were afraid. "There are giants in the land," they cried out. They had seen God's deliverance in the past, but they weren't ready for it in the present.

Finally God said, "Okay, it's time to move out." The Bible doesn't tell us about their attitude, but there's no reason to believe it had changed. I can imagine they cried out, "Let's stay just a little longer. Things aren't good here, but we know how to live in the wilderness. We are afraid to leave this place-we have become used to it."

If you don't like your life, but you won't make the effort to change, you may have a wilderness mentality. If your mind stays filled with negative thoughts, they will keep you in bondage.

However, you can do something about it. You don't have to waste any more time. You can say, "I've dwelt long enough at this mountain. Now I'm going into the Promised Land-the land where I'll live in victory and defeat Satan's plans."

Pray this...

Father God, forgive me for having a wilderness mentality. We are already in the Promised Land with a victorious life, through Jesus Christ. Therefore, Lord I come into the obedience of Your word. I receive the Truth knowing that I am blessed. Father, I thank You for blessings me; giving me unmerited favor, and protecting me. Lord, I Love You. Amen.

Ms. Cocoa Butterfly
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Proud Momma: 1st Grade Science Fair

2010-02-03T01:51:00.000-05:00

I know it's super late everyone, but I am so proud of my son right now!

Tonight we finished our first science fair project! I'm so glad! *wipes sweat from brow* trust me when I tell you, that as a science teacher, I have a new found appreciation for all the work these projects take. As a parent, I have a new found appreciation for deadlines along the way because tonight we only had to assemble which was enough! (I'm normally 11th hour doing everything...#justbeinghonest (for my tweeps) LOL! And I have a new appreciation for my sister (not that I didn't before)...she is the best aunty in the whole wide world...she hung in there with us the whole project...kudos to you!!!

Anywho, check out the pics...his aunty helped with the decorating, mommy typed and fussed...fussed and typed...but Dae prepared for his oral presentation. Hopefully a snow day will give us another day to practice! All in all, as much as I don't like the experiences of science fair as a mom and son duo...I am totally happy at the outcome! My son's project is the bombdiggity...he wants to watch everything volcano #gofigure...and I was actually on time with something!
#aintGodGOOD!!!

G'nite!

"One Proud Momma"
Ms. Cocoa Butterfly
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

An Interview with Love...

2009-06-11T15:44:00.001-04:00

An Interview with Love…

Over the past few months I have been pondering many things about love and its place and purpose in my life. I’ve gone back over all the lessons I’ve learned personally and through my family and friends, I’ve replayed everything I’ve ever read about love from nursery rhymes as a child to Act like a lady, Think like a man most recently, but more importantly I began to think about God and the things that his word says about Love.

I decided on today’s blog this morning as I was pondering what I would ask “Love” if I had the opportunity to interview it…so I surveyed some of my closest friends, Text buddies, co-workers, BFF, boo, Tweeps, and FB Fam to see what questions were the most burning and I got some surprising questions…and the answers magically appeared to me. I think that is the ultimate answer to any question, seek God and he will give you all understanding!

At any rate, here is my interview with love…***disclaimer***Remember, this is just MY INTERPRETATION of my/the situation and the answers that I received when pondering these questions!!!!!!

Me: I woke up this morning and decided that I needed to make some amends in my life, I wondered where would be the best place to start and you (love) were the first thing that came to mind.

Love: Really?!?

Me: Indeed! I decided that it would prove better for me to seek some answers directly from the source, then to continue on my path searching for answers from self, which obviously hasn’t been working for me.

Love: Well, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I am not working for you, but go ahead…let me see if I can assist you.

Me: I surveyed some of my closest friends, many of whom I am sure you know very well, and based on some of their questions and my own I would like to begin by saying “Thank you.” One of my closest friends and a major reason for some of my reflection decided that he wouldn’t ask you anything, that he would only thank you. At first, I was a little baffled by his response, I thought to myself that he must have a burning question to ask you, but after a simple moment of reflection, I realized that he was simply acknowledging and accepting everything that you’ve done this far.

Love: You’re welcome!

Me: Ok, so why can’t I help but to feel you?

Love: I am a major part of everyone’s life, or at least I should be. Those that know me come to understand that without me (love) there is nothing. 1st Corinthians chapter 13 Vs 1-3 1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

Me: I get it, love is necessary no matter how bad it hurts, what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger, so…Why do you hide yourself from those seeking you? Why are you so hard to find?

Love: I don’t hide myself from those seeking me and I am not hard to find at all. At times you chose not to see me for your own selfish reasons; you put man or woman before me and left me to the back, so it isn’t that I am or ever will be hiding from you, but more that you are choosing either not to seek me.

Me: Ok, so…one of my friends wanted to know why you are so terrible and so good at the same time? Or why do you hurt so bad, when you are supposed to be so good?

Love: Well to be honest with you, good and bad co-exist in everything including love. There are going to be good days and there will be bad days. It is my hope that the good will out weigh the bad from time to time, or at least you will begin to understand and appreciate the good days when they come because you learned a lesson from the bad days. There is no Testimony without a TEST!

Me: Makes a lot more sense to me now… people often refer to you (love) as being blind, can you answer or clear up the mystery as to why you are “blind?”

Love: That’s easy…The bible describes me as and I quote (NIV) “ 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
I use my blinders so I can stay focused at the task at hand, even if you don’t know what I am doing, I do!

Me: WOW…it is so true that everything we need to live is in the Bible. Ok, well since you are knocking these out so easily, a friend of mine asked “when will I know when I have found the one?/How do you know when it is real?”

Love: To that friend and all the others pondering that question, don’t seek “the one” let me bring them to you. When I bring them to you there will be nothing you can do to get rid of them. What is for you, is for you!

Me: Ok, last question, and I think this is one that many wonder, but are scared to ask, Will you stay forever?

Love: Where would I possibly be going? I have a job to do and that is spread myself. Again, The Bible says…” 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1st Corinthians Chapter 13 vs 8-13

Ultimately, I want you to understand that God is love! When you love as God loves you, I (love) will love you back. Check out and read Deuteronomy 7:9

****** Just my interpretation of my situation*****
It’s 2009 and I am working on me, I hope something good came from my BLOG, if nothing more than to get you to think about love and how important it is to your life. We have to make ourselves happy, we can’t wait on someone or something to do it for us, God has given us everything we need to achieve, if we seek him, we will find the answers to all things unseen.

Peace and Blessings

What do we need most to have a successful relationship?

2009-05-07T13:43:00.002-04:00

I was listening to some music this morning, as I normally do, and a question popped into my mind…What does it take to have a successful relationship? For the purposes of this BLOG we will consider a romantic relationship.

I pondered this question for a few moments and I decided that one of the first things I would deem important after GOD, who should be a major part of everything for those that are religious, is the fact that there needs to be two willing participants. No relationship can/will work if one party does not want to be involved in the situation to begin with. I think that it is important for us to make sure that we are both well aware of what we are getting ourselves into before we make a commitment to be someone’s bf/gf, so that we avoid any hurt feelings later.

Now, I know that my first choice isn’t traditional, but I think that may be the foundation that is broken in many relationships from the start. Don’t get me wrong, honesty, trust, friendship, and things along those lines apply as well, but I want to know what you think.

Post your feedback and I will compile a list of the top answers.

I am waiting on you!

Appreciate my ultra short hair By Carina R.

2009-04-14T12:18:00.001-04:00

You can not love someone you don't appreciate and you can not appreciate what you do not see. -Bishop Ronnie Crudup, New Horizon Church International

I want to say "thank you" to the one in my life who appreciates me. Me.

He runs his fingers through my ultra short hair, kisses my forehead and tells me he cares.

Kisses my cheek because he misses me.

He misses me when I am not around just on the other side of town. And it's insane because we can talk for hours and he still misses me.

He is my comfort, my strength and my sanity when life is hectic and the air is thick with the stress I breathe.

He holds me, his arms are my sanctuary.

He wants what is best for me. Is gentle with me when I need comfort and support and he tells me the truth especially when it hurts.

And we don't argue we share difference of opinions, strong wills, and strong personalities. We don't fight... we clash, we dispute and debate. Get mad and laugh, talk it over and respect the differences of perspective because that is why we are friends.

Partners.

Friends.

He is sweet sweet sweet. Nice and good to me. Feather downy soft and warm, I feel safe and protected in his presence and in his arms.

Smooth.

He appreciates me because he knows that I gave when I didn't have. He can always have my last because he will always put me first. He was a provider when he didn't have it and I know it hurt.

But he is ALWAYS a man first. His word is his bond. His bond is his word.

He appreciates me. He sees me. And he told me that I am beautiful and unique. He loves my personality and my ultra short hair.

He runs his fingers through my ultra short hair.

--
Shaun~

"Love cares more for others than for self." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Movie: Fireproof

2009-03-24T14:59:00.001-04:00

I watched this movie last night and I thought it was a very good movie. Not only did it talk about relationships on all levels, it spoke more importantly about the importance of a relationship with God.

I think this is a good movie for everyone to see. If you have Comcast you can watch it OnDemand for $4.99.

They have a really helpful website at www.fireproofmymarriage.com

Now, this isn't just for married folks. There is a section of the website for couples etc. They even have an article entitled "The Benefits of Pre-Engagement Counseling" for dating couples.

NOW...Don't listen to me, check it out for yourself. IMO, it is worth it. Watch it with your husband, finace, boyfriend, significant other, *buddy* whomever. Just watch it!

You will be blessed from it somehow!

*Be blessed, as you have been a blessing to me*

--
Shaun~

"Love cares more for others than for self." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

7 years ago today...The loss of my son!

2009-01-14T13:52:00.003-05:00

Seven years ago today I lost my first son, an experience I will never forget.

One never truly knows the pain of death until you loose a child. I was a 21 year old married woman pregnant with her first child. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that my pregnancy would end abruptly and in such a horrible fashion. As I sit back and recall the events of those days leading up to and then the 3 days in labor I still feel the pain as if it were yesterday.

I think about my son Demandre’ Antoine (Dre’ as he was affectionately called) daily. I wonder what he would be like if he were living today, would he be tall like his mom or short like his dad. Spoiled wasn’t a question because he was already that, and handsome was not a worry either because he had cute parents. :)

I think the thing that I wonder the most is if there was anything that I could have done to change it. I understand Divine order and the fact that everything happens in God’s time, but I wonder if there was some small change that I could have made to save my son’s life. Ultimately, the answer is NO, because God is in control, and I try to find comfort and solace in that fact.
Life is no bed of rose and I certainly know that, but is there ever going to come a time when I don’t wonder what my child is doing in Heaven daily. I can’t physically see him or talk to him, but I know he is there. He is there watching over his mom, dad, grandparents, brother, aunts, uncles, godparents and the rest of his family as an angel should. I know my baby is on his job, and that I will one day meet him in Heaven again. That doesn’t ease the day to day pain here on earth.

Many of us know the serenity prayer and quote it when it sounds good, but today I am truly asking God to grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

RIP Demandre’ Antoine…this BLOG is for you!

Do you love with your heart or your mind?

2008-12-17T13:29:00.002-05:00

Now to most, this may be cut and dry, but I was having a conversation this morning that lead me to wonder. Do people really love with their hearts or do they love with their mind? Is there a difference or is it bad to do one over the other.

Personally, there have been times when both have happened for some reason or another. In my opinion, it is better to love with the heart, but potentially more painful. Loving with your heart can get you wrapped up. It can make you express those things that the mind may say don’t need to be discussed. It can cause you to do things before the mind thinks you should or give more than most folks think you have, but is this really a problem?

Love is a risk, no matter how you slice it. In some instances it works out for the greater good and in other instances it hurts like hell, but without pain is there really any progress? It reminds me of the ying and the yang, you have to take the good with the bad and move forward, but sometime that bad helps to propel you to a better place.

Consider this, if all of our relationships were good and there was no heartache there wouldn’t be many relationships. There would be no life lessons learned and no “trial and error.” I guess for all intensive purposes there would be nothing for us to work on or change in the next relationship.

Are we supposed to love whole heartedly and learn what we need to from each person since people are in our life for a “reason, season, or lifetime” or are we supposed to use our mind and try to “figure love out” and explain it before we love (something I am still working on)!
For today, give loving with your heart a try and see how you like it, something tells me you may like it better…Just like me!

As always your opinion is valued and appreciated.

I thank you for taking the time to respond.

XOXOXOXO

<3 Shaun~

Love...to be in it or out is the question?

2008-12-08T16:21:00.001-05:00

Question of the Day...

In your opinion, what's the difference between simply loving someone and being in love with someone?

Let me start with the definition of the word love. According to www.dictionary.com love is defined as:
1.
A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.
A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Now, the most important definition of love is “God’s Love” when examining my thoughts about love and what it is, I often think of the love that the bible speaks of when they talk about the love that God has for us. I went to www.bible.com to see if there was a specific biblical definition of love, and there wasn’t a topic, however, since this question was posed in the context of relationships I found an article entitled “Choosing a mate” http://www.bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=149 (you can click the link to read the entire article for yourself), but basically, as some have said before, love is about many things. Love is patient, love is kind, it is constant and everlasting. In my opinion, for those that are religious, if we are trying to walk in the light of the Lord then love is an easy subject to understand, you love others as God loves you and that is unconditional. Point blank, PERIOD!
Love is not something that leaves, or it isn’t supposed to. When you truly love someone that love shouldn’t change, no matter what happens. Love doesn’t die, it is forever. In my humble opinion, loving someone should simply be “what we do.” It is a part of life. I think that in too many cases, during our relationships, we forget that according to the word of God we are supposed to love everyone so there should be no question as to whether or not we love someone. Now, does that love come in different packages, of course it does! We don’t love our parents the same way that we love our husbands or wives and there is a level of sexual intimacy that isn’t there with other people in our lives, or at least there should be.

All in all I think that loving someone from the bf/gf (or whatever your preference be set toJ) standpoint gets clouded because we loose site of the main goal which is to love others as God loves us. Life would be much simpler if we put more time into accepting love instead of trying to figure it out, or trying to find ways to “fall out of it”

A while back I created a blog entitled Love *Oh Goodness* and I think that really sums up majority of my thoughts on love itself.

On the other hand, being in love with someone is on a whole other level. There is a difference for those that think there is not, check out the bible.com article above.

According to dictionary.com to be “in love” is

In love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.

26.
In love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.

In my opinion, which matters to me, to be in love is to love, PLUS! It is the act of loving on a whole other level, to be in love with someone is to experience the unknown. With each person you fall in love with, things are different. There is a level of commitment when you are in love with someone beyond anything you can imagine. A commitment that can make you take your bf/gf back when they have hurt you more than you ever could know, or have ever dreamed of. It is being willing to include someone else in your thoughts and dreams. It is missing that person when you are away and longing for them throughout your day. It is absolutely amazing to be honest, when you allow yourself to be in love.

I honestly think that many people are afraid of the term “in love” even though it is filled with so many good things. People are so afraid of what they may be missing that they don’t fully allow themselves to love their mate for fear that they may get hurt, or the person may not be in love with them in return, which is a risk associated with love period because some people don’t understand or agree with the fact that no matter what we should love the way that God loves us and if we do that, how can we go wrong!

Let me try and sum this up by simply saying there are risks associated with love in this earthly realm. Someone may not realize that they actually love you until it is too late. Stop being afraid of love and embrace it, spread it around (not sexually) to all you meet, you may be surprised at how much your life improves. I think the late great Luther Vandross summed up love and being in love when he wrote I’d rather…take a look at the lyrics and see for yourself.

Don’t forget to leave your two cent, as I just did!

"I'd Rather"

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection built on lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,
I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart

The fundamentals of ANY relationship...

2008-10-08T15:49:00.002-04:00

I don't know where this list came from, but it is nothing but the truth! What do you think?

THE FIVE BASIC NEEDS OF A MAN

A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five basic needs:

1. His need for admiration and respect. She understands and appreciates his value and achievements more than anything else. She reminds him of his capabilities and helps him maintain his walk with God and also his self-confidence. She is proud of her husband, not out of duty, but as an expression of sincere admiration for the man she loves and with whom she has chosen to share her life. (Ephesians 5: 23, 33)

2. His need for sexual fulfillment. She becomes an excellent sexual partner to him. She studies her own response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her, then she communicates this information to her husband, and together they learn to have a sexual r!elationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable. (Proverbs 5:15-23, Song of Solomon 4:9-5:1, I Cor 7:1-5, Hebrews 13:4)

3. His need for home support. She creates a home that offers him an atmosphere of peace and quiet and refuge. She manages the home and care of the children. The home is a place of rest and rejuvenation. Remember: the wife/mother is the emotional hub of the family. (Proverbs 9:13, 19:13, 21:9, 19, 25:24, 31:10-31)

4. His need for her attractiveness. She is possessed of inner and outer beauty. She cultivates a Christ like spirit in her inner self. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, make-up, and clothes in a way that her husband finds attractive and tasteful. Her husband ispleased and proud of her in public, and also in private. (Song of Solomon 1:8-10, 2:2, 7:9, I Peter 3:1-5)

5. His need for a life companion. She! develops mutual interests with herhusband. She discovers those activities her husband enjoys the most and seeks to become proficient in them. If she learns to enjoy them, she joins him in them. If she does not enjoy them, she encourages him to consider others that they canenjoy together. She becomes her husband's best friend so that he repeatedly associates her with the activities he enjoys most. (Song of Solomon 8:1, 2, 6)

THE SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A WOMAN

Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her seven basic marital needs:

1. Her need for a spiritual leader. He is a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. He takes the initiative in cultivating aspiritual environment for the family. He becomes a capable and competent student of God's Word and lives out before all a life founded on the Word of God. He leads his wife in becoming a woman! of God, and he takes the lead in training the children in the things of the Lord. (Psalm 1, Ephesians 5:23-27)

2. Her need for personal affirmation/appreciation. He praises her for personal attributes and qualities. He extols her virtues as a wife, mother, and homemaker. He openly commends her, in the presence of others, as a marvelous mate, friend, lover, and companion. She feels that to him no one is more important in this world. (Proverbs 31:28-29, Song of Solomon 4:1-7, 6:4-9, 7:1-9)
3. Her need for personal affection (romance). He showers her with timely and generous displays of affection. He also tells her how much he cares for her with a steadfast flow of words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. Remember: Affection is the environment in which sexual union is enjoyed and a wonderful marriage develops. (Song of Solomon 6:10, 13, Ephesians 5:28, 29, 33)

4. Her need for intim!ate conversation. He talks with her at the feeling level (heart to heart). He listens to her thoughts (i.e., her heart) about the eventsof her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern. Conversations with her convey a desire to understand her, not to change her. (Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 8:13-14, I Peter 3:7)

5. Her need for honesty and openness. He looks into her eyes and, in love, tells her what he really thinks (Ephesians 4:15). He explains his plans and actions clearly and completely because he regards himself as responsible for her. He wants her to trust him and feel secure. (Proverbs 15:22, 23)

6. Her need for home support and stability. He firmly shoulders the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. He provides and protects, and he does not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. Instead he looks for concrete ways to improve home life. He desires to raise their marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember: The husband/father is the security hub of the family. (I Timothy 5:8)

7. Her need for family commitment. He puts his family first. He commits his time and energy to the spiritual, moral, and intellectual development of the children. For example, he prays with them (especially at night by the bedside), he reads to them, he engages in sports with them, and takes them on other outings. He does not play the fool's game of working long hours, trying to get ahead, while children and spouse languish in neglect. (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:19-21) --
"Love is supreme and unconditional; like is nice but limited." Duke Ellington

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power too act." Proverbs 3:27

Men and that 3 letter word they love so much!

2008-07-15T11:49:00.001-04:00

SEX!!!!!

I was listening to the SHMS (Steve Harvey Morning Show >I love that show<) this morning when they were taking comments on the SL23. The letter was sent in by a husband whose wife is having sex with him, but there is no emotion. Now, most of the time these complaints are made by women, but that just goes to show that these things can go both ways! After Shirley and Steve made their comments they let callers make comments and of course there was one comment that stuck with me.... A 28 year old man out of Chicago, made a comment that would ring in my head all morning...he said something to the effect of... "If you make love to her mind first, her body will follow!"

PEOPLE....that thing is so true! Men and women both need to realize that sex is MORE than just an act. I am famous for saying, "there needs to be emotion in it"..."some feelings shown, SOMETHING, make me feel like a woman, like I want to *SET IT OFF* for you!" and people look at me like I am stupid. Now, I know most men would love the idea of I get it, you get it and we done...but how long does that really last. Honestly, NOT LONG!

No matter what people say, most people want some sort of affection when they are having sex, especially when they are married, in a relationship, HELL...even "cut buddies" want some sort of emotion...lol! I have made this statement in conversation on numerous occasions and I always get, "well...what is she doing..." RESPONSE: *WTH are you doing!* Are you making her feel like a woman, are you *making love to her mind first?* NO, you aren't.

Men, How the HELL do you expect women to want to *hang from the celing fan* and you aren't doing shyt to get the mind ready to think that her ass can get up there. Are you sending her flowers, NO! Calling her every now and then just to say you were thinking about her, NO! Are you making her feel like you think she is sexy, (even if she is not your traditional model chick/video hoe) NO! So why do you think she is going to go overboard for you...Karma baby...you get back what you put out and if you aren't putting anything out...How in the ham chaheesy do you expect to get anything back??????

Now to my beautiful couterparts...Women, How the HELL do you expect men to want to *act like the strippers you see at the club* and you aren't on your job! Does he come home to a hot meal in the evening, NO! Are you making him feel like the king of his castle, NO! Do you tell him that he looks good to you, (even if his 6 pack has turned in to a keg) NO! So what do you expect! I hope it is nothing, because that is what you are going to get...

Now, don't get me wrong, I know there are those of us out there, both male and female that do some, if not all, of the things necessary to deserve some *sex of the mind* and our mates still don't give it! Then, you do what you feel is necessary to jump start that program, but the majority of us fall short.

Let's be honest with one another, people always talk about what happened when they first met! Hell when you first met, you were locked and loaded! READY to talk/text/email sex ALL DAMN DAY...now you got to much work to do, your fingers hurt so you can't text, your phone battery is almost dead so you can't call...yeah right! Give me a break!

If you want it, then go get it...and that means if you want/need some *sexual healing* start with the mind! The mind is they key to all things!

Just my thoughts...Let me know what you think!

Thanks in advance for your comments.

The Word for Today : Overcoming Procrastination!

2008-06-01T12:00:00.001-04:00

S. Hyson~

www.shaunspeaks.blogspot.com

www.BlackStylists.com/Hair_By_Shaun

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

-----Original Message-----
From: "The Word for Today" <list.wft@rbg.co.nz>

Date: Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:06:46
To:<ms.shaun@gmail.com>
Subject: The Word for Today : Overcoming Procrastination!

<http://www.rhema.co.nz>

The Word for Today
With Bob Gass
Monday, June 2nd, 2008
New Zealand

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Hello S. Hyson, here is today's "The Word for Today", brought to you by Rhema
Broadcasting Group <http://www.rhema.co.nz> in association with The
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Bob Gass <http://websites.rbg.co.nz/TheWordForToday/bobgass_small.jpg> Overcoming Procrastination!

Find out and do whatever the Lord wants you to. - Ephesians 5:17 TLB

To overcome procrastination you must: (1) Take responsibility for your life. No matter how hard you wish, the tooth fairy isn't going to come while you're sleeping and replace failure with success. Great souls have 'wills', feeble souls have 'wishes'. You need to do something!
(2) Examine your excuses. An excuse puts the blame on something other than you, which means the solution is beyond your reach. Excuses are like exit signs on the road of progress; they take us off track. It's easier to move from failure to success, than from excuses to success. So examine your excuses and eliminate them.
(3) Focus on the benefits of completing a task. To get you over the hump, focus on what you'll 'get out of it' when you get it done. Will it bring you benefit? Clear the way for something else you'd like to do? Be a milestone in your personal development or the completion of something bigger? Will it help to clear the decks for you emotionally? Admiral William Halsey said, "All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them, but confront them. Touch a thistle timidly and it pricks you, grasp it boldly and its spines crumble."
(4) Ask for help. Columbus didn't discover the New World on his own, he needed a crew. Speaking of the church, Paul writes, "Each part...helps the other parts grow" (Eph 4:16 NLT). There's infinite value in the assistance others can give you when it comes to breaking old habits and beginning new ones. Yes, it means taking a risk because you will be vulnerable in sharing your hopes and fears. But the risk is worth taking.

SoulFood Bible Readings: 1 Ki 18:16 - 20:43, Mk 14:66-72, Ps 124, Pr 12:26
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Love Oh Goodness

2008-05-21T13:05:00.002-04:00

"Love is not about finding the perfect person, it's about learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

I saw this line in a very old email today, as I was planning to cancel that account, and it became the inspiration for my blog today. There is much to be said about whether or not we should be searching for the perfect person, or loving the imperfect person perfectly! In all honesty, the Lord has made me see this lately. Everything in life isn't always going to be perfect...hell...it probably won't be anything close to that, but the thought of loving someone that isn't our "perfect person" is scary and totally no the "in" thing to do.

Think back to the "dream guy/girl" you always thought you'd end up with....is that what you got? More than likely, NO...you got someone that attracted you for whatever reason and you grew to love that person. Truth be told, you probably have said to yourself and maybe even that person, I never thought I would end up with someone like you... "SOMEONE LIKE ME" is usually the response, but that isn't always a bad thing. Sometime, we hold our standards so HIGH that we can't get anywhere close. Now ladies/fellas...I am by no means saying that you should settle, however I am saying that just because the man/woman you are with doesn't drive the Jaguar you always thought he/she would, or live in the $600 thousand dollar house you thought you would be coming over to doesn't make him/her unworthy of your love.

Just because, as women, we are "pretty" and have our "shyt" together doesn't make us perfect. We have our faults too ladies and someone has to learn to love us and all our imperfect parts as well. I don't think there is a woman out there that can honestly say that they got their dream man! Hell, I don't think there are any men out there that can say they got their dream woman, however there are people out there that can say they got a "good" man or a "good" woman.

Let's stop dreaming and wake up people...as someone once said, and I don't recall where I heard ir...life is too short to continue searching for 100% when you have a perfect 85% or 90% already in your life. Make your decisions wisely, just remember, there is only one "perfect person" and he hasn't come back yet!

Who does your hair?

2008-05-20T15:29:00.002-04:00

OK! So I have been reading emails all day about Dominican stylist in the DC Metro area and I am a bit interested in the BIG difference between them and "us". I say "us" because I am a traditional LICENSED stylist who can do any texture of hair, so much so that I used to work in one of the BEST all white salons on the west coast and I never had an issue.

Now, I understand that I may be a rare gem in my field, but honestly when I look at some hair that has been "done" by the Dominicans it looks very dry and in some instances split. I understand people who don't want a lot of "grease" or oil in their hair, but we need to realize that this is something that we need, especially with chemically treated hair. Chemicals and heat strip the natural oils from our hair and can cause MAJOR damage, which is the reason that it is HIGHLY recommended that we use some sort of oil on our hair or scalp.

Aside from the "oil" issues that people have, why are so many women leaving the traditional salon to go to the Dominicans. Is it price, customer service, time or none of the above? Whatever your reason, just make sure that whatever stylist you choose to spend your "cheese" with has a license, because many times...THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!

Give me your .02 cents...

Natural Hair

2008-05-19T14:21:00.004-04:00

Recently I decided to go natural, what a change! What started out as a choice became a necesity when I pulled my hair out trying to quickly change my weave. *I'm just keeping it real* Now, as a licensed and practicing hair stylist I knew I should have been more careful, but do we ever listen to ourselves...NO! So, now I am all natural and surprsingly loving it! I feel like a new person. Someone once told me that many things live in our hair, and cutting it, gets rid of those things. Do you believe in that theory or do you think it is just a bunch of BS? and do you think that most people aren't natural because of a dependence on chemicals?